The Big Pause

A cruel visitor has invaded our happy home. It has caused much upheaval, discomfort and frustration.
Who is this visitor who would create such havoc you ask? It's name is menopause!
Several years ago, it started with the usual hot flashes and night sweats.
Ok, so it was inconvenient, but I could live with those. The night sweats lasted about two solid years. Easy enough to deal with. Wake up and shower, problem fixed! This isn't so bad I thought. The hot flashes weren't an every day event, so those were ok too.
Then, this month , this cruel invader of homes, minds, and emotions went too far!
Certain monthly events are no longer normal. They have become a monumental event altering life's normal routine and necessitating some extra planning. That was a shocker! I thought to myself, please God, I take back every time I've ever asked for this change to come quickly. Clearly Lord, I had no idea what I was asking for. I repent! I give!
Last week, this visitor brought memory loss. I took the wrong exit on the way to work. Two days later, I was on the right freeway, but  thought I wasn't. I drove along questioning every landmark and sign. Panic set in. Is this Alzheimers? Am I losing my mind? Please God, don't let this happen. I don't want to forget who my loved ones are. I don't want to be one of those people who forget where they're driving and get lost. Would I remember who to call if I got lost? What if I can't remember my husband, children, grandkids?
My mind was a whirl of what ifs that I didn't want to think about.
Then, this week, this cruel thing invaded my emotions turning me into this horrid , mean person whom I hope never shows up again. I went from mellow to wicked witch of the West in a matter of minutes. She was awful! She brought rage. She was foreign to me. The next morning I still felt irritated. Then came wanting to cry. Followed by that was emotional numbness. After that followed fatigue and exhaustion.
Let me off this ride! I don't play well with others any more. I'm not in control. I do NOT like this!!!!!
A call to a friend assured me this is "normal". NORMAL? I find nothing normal about this!
It did bring much comfort to talk to others. I found out I'm not going through anything abnormal, just different than what I'm used to.
I do not like this new visitor, but I can't make it magically go away. It will require a lot of thought, planning, prayer, and tracking of events to give me some sense of control and learning what to expect when.
I will definitely have to lean on God for help and direction . The support of women in the same life phase will be a huge help and support. I am thankful for them already! I am also very thankful for an understanding husband who loves me unconditionally.
Here's to hoping this visitor has a very short stay!