Questions Continue

First of all, please excuse my randomness. I'm not usually that way, but events have caused questions and thoughts to continually race through my mind. I find it slightly unsettling to be bombarded by them day and night as I attempt to sort through them. I find myself asking " Where is the off switch for these thoughts and my emotions about them?"
Here is what I'm left asking...

Is it what I thought it was, and then it changed along the way ?
(If so, then why did no one discern it and stop the change? Why is it that we would not have listened if someone would have said something ?)
Was it a grand illusion the entire time?
( This option bothers me for several reasons. If so, how did I buy into it after having just come out of a very similar situation? Why would people portray such a thing with the intent of deceiving?)
Why didn't I listen to the voice of reason 3 years ago ?
Why have I,  more than once, put myself under leaders who are controlling?
Where are all those people who said they were my friend ? ( How could they have been so interwoven in my life, only to later walk away ? )
Why have they not contacted me after me being gone for 5 months ?
Were they ever really my friends ?
Were they my friends, and then we just grew apart ? If so, why?
Did they stop hanging around just because my time at our meeting place was limited down the line ? If so, why should that make a difference ? ( If your friends , your friends, right ?)
Did they fake it for some unknown reason, only to drop me later ? Why?
Were they my friend and then somehow we grew apart ? 
Why do they shun those that leave ? Leaving should NOT sever a relationship. Proximity should not govern relationship!
Why do those early memories have to be so good that they make the later events so much more painful ?
Why all the judgement and condemnation of those they deem not measuring up to THEIR version of holiness ? ( Is it not God who judges?  Does God not correct with love and gentleness? Is it not Satan who condemns and ridicules ? )
Where is the Fruit of the Spirit in those portraying themselves as having it all together ?
Where is the love ? ( Loving your neighbor is not defined as only loving those in your core group! )
And, lastly, how on earth did I ever let myself act like them? Much to repent for I have.

Random Thoughts

Eye bouncing? Really? That's the answer to your issue/s? How about the Biblical approach...confession, repentance, seeking forgiveness, humility.

Secrets trap YOU! Tell them to people you can trust, sometimes public confession is required. Once in the open, Satan cannot use them against you nor torment you with them.

All this talk of pornography..mayhaps someone has a problem they don't want exposed, and if it's not that one, it's just as damaging to your marriage.

I KNOW. God talks to people, yes plural, and I'm one of those who listen when He does.

How can you speak of grace and mercy and love, and be so incapable of showing it to those outside your family or core group?

People are NOT slots to fill. When they leave, find out why! Show you care and ask! Don't act cold and uncaring. If you care, more people may come.

Do NOT yell or raise your voice! Show compassion! LOVE people!

How dare you hurt people so badly and deeply! Shame on you!

Anger manifests because of fear or unmet needs. If you have either, deal with it in a Godly manner instead of taking it out on others who had nothing to do with the causes of fear or unmet needs. Grow up. Stop acting like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum!

You need both wisdom and knowledge coupled with love and discernment. If you have one without the others, that one attribute is useless.

If you have no discernment , it behooves you to listen to those who do and not discount them.

If you are a leader, you are in a sad state if you can announce that you can count on one hand the number of times you've heard God's voice! Dare I say, you shouldn't be leading anything, not even a family. A leader should hear form God regularly, Moses did. If you don't hear from Him, maybe you're not serving Him. His sheep know His voice.

Do not belittle or discount women. Yeshua was very close to them. When  He came out of the tomb, who did He appear to first? You guessed it, women! Without us , y'all wouldn't be here! We're good for more than cooking, cleaning and giving birth!

Newsflash!...we DO have a mind of our own. We are not influenced nor controlled by anyone. We love our friends, we don't obey them or follow them mindlessly. You insult us when you make these assumptions.

We obey God! We need not submit to ungodly leadership.

We know you are watching....have fun!

Thoughts on Pesach

While trying to muster up the energy, which lately is ever lacking, and the drive, which is certainly gone, to clean for Pesach this morning, I found myself asking " Why is this so hard, so tedious, strenuous?" I have no ambition this year. I'm finding I have no energy. My anal tendency to clean thoroughly is gone. I'm told by some it's partly due to hormones..hurray. I watch my young, vibrant , daughter do things I used to, and wonder, will I ever get that back?
Back to my thoughts...as I was working on cleaning, and asking why it's so hard, I heard that very familiar voice ask, "Why at times is it so hard for me to clean you? Why at times do you resist? Why , sometimes, do I have to allow you to go through situations that are painful for Me to watch you endure to get you to get out of a situation or do My will?"
Those  words make my heart ache. I try so hard to be pliable to Him, and I've made great strides in that over the years. I'm much more ready and willing to submit to His voice. Still, it pains me to know that at times, for all my trying, I still bring Him sorrow and probably frustration. Yet, it comforts me even to hear those painful words He sends to cause me to check myself. I am pleased that I can so easily hear Him when He speaks, for to not hear His words, would fill me with fear of not walking in His presence.

This year, as Pesach approaches, I'm again meditating on the meaning of the Exodus and God's redemption of those He calls His, of being part of those whom Yeshua said can never be snatched from His hand. What a glorious place to be, in His hand. At times, though, this is a place of uncertainty, even as we trust Him with all we are. Each year, we are to re-read the Exodus account, and try to relate to the Israelites coming out of Egypt and how God has through times, taken us out of our present Egypt.
Four years ago, as I was at a friend's celebrating Pesach, I for the first time, related to the feelings of the Israelites. In the phase of life I was in, I was in a painful place. As we were going through the Haggadah, I sat there with tears filling my eyes, as I heard God say "I'm taking you out of Egypt". How very painful that was, full of mixed emotions. At that time, I knew God was not restoring my broken marriage. It was all I was familiar with, all I knew, even though not healthy, and I was full of fear of the unknown,as the Israelites surely would have been. I was being removed from my people, from what I knew, and taken into a wilderness of unknowns. At that same moment, a small part of me was excited to know I would be free from years of terrorism, control, rage aimed at me, hurtful words and actions of betrayal. I did not know where I would end up, where my promised land lay, but knew I had to trust the One who was in control of my life.

This year, again, through different circumstances, some of us have been taken out of Egypt. We are walking through the wilderness, wondering how long our journey will be, where will that awaited for promised land be. As of yet, we've only been shown glimpses of what God is doing as He brings healing, brings us glorious moments of time that we can immerse ourselves in Him through worship.
We follow the voice of our glorious Master, following the cloud of His presence, listening for His every instruction, following by faith the path layed in front of each of us, trusting Him to lead. We wait upon Him, seeking His face.
May we this year, continue to hear Him. May we continue to worship Him with ALL of our being in sweet surrender to the One who knows the outcome, who knows exactly where He will take us. May we all stay pliable to the Master potter who molds us into exactly what He planned before we drew our first breath.