Questions Continue

First of all, please excuse my randomness. I'm not usually that way, but events have caused questions and thoughts to continually race through my mind. I find it slightly unsettling to be bombarded by them day and night as I attempt to sort through them. I find myself asking " Where is the off switch for these thoughts and my emotions about them?"
Here is what I'm left asking...

Is it what I thought it was, and then it changed along the way ?
(If so, then why did no one discern it and stop the change? Why is it that we would not have listened if someone would have said something ?)
Was it a grand illusion the entire time?
( This option bothers me for several reasons. If so, how did I buy into it after having just come out of a very similar situation? Why would people portray such a thing with the intent of deceiving?)
Why didn't I listen to the voice of reason 3 years ago ?
Why have I,  more than once, put myself under leaders who are controlling?
Where are all those people who said they were my friend ? ( How could they have been so interwoven in my life, only to later walk away ? )
Why have they not contacted me after me being gone for 5 months ?
Were they ever really my friends ?
Were they my friends, and then we just grew apart ? If so, why?
Did they stop hanging around just because my time at our meeting place was limited down the line ? If so, why should that make a difference ? ( If your friends , your friends, right ?)
Did they fake it for some unknown reason, only to drop me later ? Why?
Were they my friend and then somehow we grew apart ? 
Why do they shun those that leave ? Leaving should NOT sever a relationship. Proximity should not govern relationship!
Why do those early memories have to be so good that they make the later events so much more painful ?
Why all the judgement and condemnation of those they deem not measuring up to THEIR version of holiness ? ( Is it not God who judges?  Does God not correct with love and gentleness? Is it not Satan who condemns and ridicules ? )
Where is the Fruit of the Spirit in those portraying themselves as having it all together ?
Where is the love ? ( Loving your neighbor is not defined as only loving those in your core group! )
And, lastly, how on earth did I ever let myself act like them? Much to repent for I have.