My Journey : Faith

In 2007, I started that spring being launched into the hardest test I would ever face to date. At the time I was married, I was a housewife and loved it. I ran my own schedule. I cleaned houses and a business for pocket money to do with as I wished. I had free time to go to prayer meetings, Bible studies, to help my friend in her garden and house. I had time to volunteer for things. I loved it. My life was fulfilling. Spiritually, I was on top of the world. Then , one day, my world caved in. I was given divorce papers. I was deceived and betrayed in a way unimaginable. I could no longer trust. My faith came crashing down. I cried for months, I couldn't eat. I was depressed. I began having terrible anxiety attacks that were crippling. Everything looked bleak. I questioned G-d constantly asking " Why would you let this happen to me?!" In my mind, I screamed that question a million times.If G-d was all powerful and in control of everything, and if He loved me, why this. He could have spared me of this. This pain was too great to endure. I have been trying since then to regain the Spiritual ground I lost. To regain trust in a G-d I felt hated me, and Whom I wasn't real pleased with either. How do I come to a place of trusting Him again when I felt He abandoned me and just left me to suffer. It's been a heck of a road. I've had good friends and advisors who all tried to encourage me, but I just couldn't give my all to Him. I was going through the motions. I still loved HIm, but it wasn't the same as before. About a month ago I started using my alone time in the morning for listening to Christain music, prayer and reading a devotional. It has been a good place for me Spiritually and emotionally. Then a few weeks ago , I heard a song that really touched me. Every time it comes on, I crank the volume and bellow it as loudly as I can, singing these words that are singing my song. I sing it with everything in me. It has become an ongoing cry and prayer to G-d. Please take a listen... https://youtu.be/ZUg9qE_KjLg This might hurt It’s not safe But I know that I’ve gotta make a change I don’t care If I break At least I’ll be feeling something ‘Cause just ok Is not enough Help me fight through the nothingness of life I don’t wanna go through the motions I don’t wanna go one more day Without Your all consuming passion inside of me I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking What if I had given everything? Instead of going through the motions No regrets Not this time I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind Let Your love Make me whole I think I’m finally feeling something Take me all the way Take me all the way Take me all the way Then last Sunday while listening to music I heard some songs and I knew it was G-d moving me through music. I heard "Where there is faith" . Tears streamed down my face as I sang it remembering all the words. He was telling to again have faith in Him. Then came "He is with you". More tears. He was clearly telling me He has been and is with me. It was me who felt He wasn't. Then came a song I've never heard that became my new prayer. Look Me In The Eye by Margaret Becker I found a letter I wrote to you In the bottom of the drawer Simple words, simple point of view That I don't have much anymore It said "I don't want fortune I don't want fame I only want the treasure That time can't take away CHORUS Look me in the eye Tell me if you see Traces of yourself Growing here in me Tell me if you find Your heart in mine I pray you'll see your light When you look me in the eye Many years have come and gone Since I wrote that page And somehow with the passing time I've let that truth slip away Dear Lord remind me Each and every day that your Holiness, your Godliness Is all that will remain CHORUS Now I see you Much too dimly But someday we'll be Eye to eye When I see you I want to hear you say That you were proud of my life Lord touch my heart Center my soul Till all I do Is for You alone CHORUS I want Him to see Himself in me. I want to give my all to Him again. I am feeling alive again. I can feel Him breathing fresh breath into me, refilling and restoring me. I think finally, I'm having a breakthrough in this jouney.....and I am so very thankful!

The Last Goodbye

What does goodbye look like?

A phone call

A diagnosis that offers no hope

Treatment that will not cure

Facing the inevitable truth

Trips to thrift stores to rid of items that will not again be used

A visit from family who cares

Recalling moments of fun and a life once filled with joy

Limitations

Frustration

Disappointment

Loss of energy in one once so vibrant

Cards filled with loving words

Prayer

Tears

Questioning

Thoughts filled with you

A husband's selfless love and care

Incredible grace and strength

Words of care and encouragement

Anticipating the loss

Frailty

Wondering why

Acceptance

Reminiscing

Hugs

Compassion

Love

A last visit

A last hug

Tears

Sorrow

Trinkets to remember you by

An antique passed on

A long drive home

More tears

Amazement of courage

Dreading the last call




"For everything there is a season
A time to live
A time to die"

I will always love you!

My Journey - Deliverance

Many years ago, around 1996 , I was at home and the phone rang. It was my Pastor's daughter. She asked if I would be interested in replacing her at a church member's cafe. I wasn't looking for work necessarily, but the thought of working for a Believer for the first time certainly enticed me. I went at met the owner. She was very nice and warm. She ran the cafe which also did catering. Also employed there were her 2 sons and eldest daughter. The youngest daughter was there and helped in between doing her home schooling. I was hired. Officially I was the dishwasher. I did other things as well as time went on. I helped bus tables, ran the register, ran deliveries, helped with catering, baked. I enjoyed it. I have to admit however, I complained quite a bit. I'd complain about the heat, after all, I was in front of 3 boiling hot sinks (talk about humidity), and behind me were ovens and burners running all day. Oy! I do NOT like heat or humidity. I complained if I didn't feel good. Being raised as an only child, I could be pretty selfish and want my way. I definitely always looked at how things affected me. I'm not saying I was rotten. I had some good points, but I surely needed some work smoothing off my rough edges. Among my other attributes were my often bitey comments. I meant them in joking of course, but I often wouldn't think about how the other person's day may have been going, or what outside things may be affecting them. Being offended and hurt every time I wasn't invited to something. I took everything personally. Still, I loved working there with that family. They were kind and fun.We could joke together. We'd pray together every day before opening. We played instrumental or Christian music. The atmosphere there was great. We went to movies together. Well, one day my sweet boss had about all she could take of my attitudes. After we closed, she told me she was cutting my hours back for 3 weeks. How dare she?! , I thought to myself! This is a job, not a Christian training camp for perfect behavior. This can't be legal! I was outright pissed off! Still something told me, she cared about me. She wasn't a mean or vindictive person. She was always fair. She kindly suggested I read Neil Anderson's book " The Bondage Breaker". She suggested I may learn a lot from it, and that after I read it, she'd like to pray with me if I was willing. I took her challenge. I found the book , bought a copy and devoured it. I learned from it that different things we involve ourself in can open doors to let the enemy come into our life. I learned how deliverance works. I learned the authority I had in G-d to take control over those things,and that I didn't have to let them control me. There is more in there, but you will just have to read it yourself. After reading it cover to cover, I informed my boss I had finished the book, and was definitely willing to let her pray for me. We picked a day after work and met in her office, myself, her, her eldest daughter and her daughter in law. We stayed in there 4 1/2 hours! Hours of answering questions about things I had done in my past, repenting of them, rebuking their affects on me and their spiritual strongholds. It was gruelling and exhausting! Talk about vulnerable! These were things no one else knew about me, things too hard for me to have shared with anyone else at that time. Confessing in front of people whom I"m sure never even thought to do these things themselves. Confessing my rotten attitudes. Drug use, alcoholism, and things I dare not print.
Four and a half hours later, I left that office, not just tired and wrung out, but feeling really different for the first time in my life. Not that salvation didn't make a change in me, but this was different. I felt lighter. I didn't feel like I was being run around. I didn't feel aggressive. The flashbacks I used to have of things I had done, were gone! Oh , that was the sweetest moment, when I realized the flashbacks left! How glorious not to be haunted by those memories and images running through my head. I hated seeing them every time they would replay in my mind against my will. That was so hard an event.So very humbling to the very core of my being, but so very worth it. I can never thank her or her family enough! What a wonderful gift to share with someone, freedom, spiritual freedom. Now that is love! They layed down their life for me in a way that day. No greater love hath a man for his brother, than to lay down his life for him. After being delivered, my attitudes surely changed for the better. Bitterness left. The need to condemn others left to make myself feel worthy,  left. Those mean comments disguised as jokes, left. I had joy! Shortly after , on a trip to Idaho, my car broke down at 3-something a.m. The nearest rest area was 3 miles away. I got out and helped push the car 3 miles, laughing the whole time! Prior to my deliverance, I'd have been mad as all heck! Probably would have griped the whole 3 miles and kicked the car. I told my boss about it when I got back, and she smiled the biggest smile. She knew that in itself was a testimony of what had taken place in her office the day I decided to surrender all. That song, I surrender all, has a special meaning to me because of that day, and I don't think I've made it through without crying once since then. I'm thankful for those tears. I'm thankful to feel normal and free. I've since had the pleasure of sharing that wonderful gift with some over the years, and what an awesome privilege, to see the change in someones countenance afterward. I thank G-d for the times He's used me to share it. What an wonderful, caring, gentle G-d we serve. He loves as as we are, but loves us enough NOT to let us stay that way, for that I am ever so grateful!
Here's a video that depicts how Satan runs us around, and we are often unaware, and how our glorious L-rd fights for us, to give us freedom if we will accept it. It's very dear to my heart. Please, prayerfully watch it.

The "F" Word

What is the "F" word to which I am referring? Well, let me put your mind at ease, it probably isn't the first one that popped into your head. lol
The "F" word I am talking about is friendship or friend. A lot of folks have an idea of what that word means.We all have friends at work. We have childhood  friends and high school friends. We have church friends , MOPS friends, cell group friends. In the modern age of technology , we have gaming friends, Myspace friends and Facebook friends. Might I be so bold as to say, upon greater examination, many of these included in these groups, are not friends at all, but would be downgraded to acquaintance status. Acquaintance - having knowledge of or familiarity with, but not on an intimate level. Having factual knowledge of someone or thing, i.e. being acquainted with certain foods or wines, acquainted with a topic, or having factual knowledge of some historical event or person. Though you may see this person regularly, you only share surface information with them and are somewhat guarded in your interactions with them. You share basic information with them and answers to their inquiries are brief , offering little information.  An acquaintance is in the game with you as long as your interests and beliefs are the same as theirs. The moment there are blatant differences between yourself and them, they are out the door or are telling you why your interests are not interesting,or why your beliefs are wrong and their viewpoint is right and will adamantly tell you why yours are wrong and will not relent to save the relationship, because there is no investment in it by them. They are the ones who want to benefit the most from your relationship. Foremost, you can gauge the level of your relationship with someone in terms of the "depth" of your interactions. The definition of friend or friendship is a much longer one. Friend - A person with whom you are allied in good and bad, in struggle and in causes.A person with whom you are attached to affectionately denoting deep care of them and their feelings. Here are my personal definitions: A friend is someone whom you take the time to build relationship with. You care more about getting to know their thoughts, likes and dislikes rather than making sure they know yours. A friend is one in whom there is mutual trust. They need not worry that I will hurt them or cause them emotional harm. Friendship should be a place of mutual safety for the emotional health and benefit of both parties. If I confide in them , I need not ever worry they will share what I've said and vice versa. They are free to share their deepest thoughts and feelings with me knowing that I will guard and protect that information and they will do the same with mine.
negotiate respectful boundaries. If something is a hot button for one of us, out of love and respect, we will leave that topic alone. It doesn't mean either person loses who they are. It means the relationship is more important than the topic! There may be words that are hurtful due to one's past experiences, so a respectful boundary not to use those words may be needed. There may be a topic from one's past that is too hurtful to bring up, so a boundary not to mention that event may be needed so as not to bring on the painful memory.
Friendship is intimacy. In intimacy, we are willing and safe to share our most secret thoughts and experiences. Intimacy means knowing more than mere surface facts about each other. If all I know of you are your favorite foods and colors, we are not intimate. Intimacy denotes knowing each other in a way few others do,  it is a trusted position. This means much time invested in each other. You should not share intimate information with someone you met 5 minutes ago, or a few months ago. This level of trust takes much time to foster and grow. Intimacy means knowing each others thoughts with a mere glance, no words are needed. It means I am comfortable to be me and you are comfortable to be you , without fear of judgement or condemnation. Friendship means enjoying each others company whether you're out having fun or sitting doing nothing. In true friendship there is no need on either's part to have to entertain the other, you simply feel better by being together, through whatever. An acquaintance will bail when there is no personal gain for them. < This is just a brief summary on what friendship means to me. As I think more, and reflect, there is a novel worth of points to be shared for sure. As I've aged, my definition has evolved on many levels. I now have only a few that have earned this title, because maturity and experience have necessitated constant re-evaluations of its definition. Please, do not feel bad when I say there are "few" in my life. This is by choice. The ones I have now have been hand picked by the Master friend selector Himself. I am blessed and thankful He brought them and removed others. They are each priceless gems in my life , true gifts from G-d and I take every opportunity to tell and show them of their value to me and in my life. I hope this post helps someone differentiate and define what a friend really is.

Refocus

                                      

Refocus:

1 to give attention, effort, etc. to something new or different

2 to adapt or be adjusted again so that things can be seen clearly; to adjust something again so that you can see things clearly

3 to change the emphasis or direction of

I'm all about refocusing. As I've grown older and somewhat wiser, I see the need to constantly refocus.  The more I learn truth, specifically G-d's truth, the more I need to refocus my thoughts, my perceptions, and my opinions of my view of the world around me, of others and of myself.

Lately though , more so than ever, I'm seeing a growing epidemic. Somehow, our world has evolved into a generation of self seeking, selfish, self focused people. This didn't happen overnight. I've seen the increase progressively over time, with each generation becoming worse than the last, with the rare exception of a selfless , giving soul.

I see it at work every day. Girls buying # 240 Uggs, $400 Coach bags with the $300 matching wallet, $100 jeans, the newest most expensive phones and technology, and most of these little darlings live at home mooching off their parents. They have a sense of entitlement. They want it, and their gonna have it.

I see it played out other places too though. Have you been on the road , everyone going the same speed, and someone just HAS to get in front of you even though the light ahead is red ? Have you been in the store going up an aisle, you come upon what you are looking for and someone comes along and gets in front of you and just stands there staring at the shelf like you don't exist? Have you been out somewhere and people are just pushing around you like you're invisible? Or worse yet, you are in a relationship and someone else decides they want your mate more than you do even though they KNOW that person is taken and should be off limits.

They are self focused. Selfish. Self serving. It's ALL about THEM! It's about what they want, where they need to get.

This time of year, this mentality is running rampant. Commercials and ads enticing you with every toy, car, clothing item, jewelery, or bobble. All I hear are people talking about what THEY want. I have yet to hear someone talk about what they want to give with no concern of them getting.

It is enough to make me scream. I have to wonder, have they ever had to go to Salvation Army for a tree and gifts for their children? I have. Have they ever had a holiday or birthday without something new? I have. I remember holidays where what I could afford to give came from a second hand store. Do I care if I get a gift? Not really. Sure it's nice at times to be acknowledged, but are material things the only way we feel affirmed?

One of my favorite Christmases was when I was 16 or 17 years old. I had met a darling little girl named Barbara Jean. She was 6 or 7 . Her Mom was on welfare and couldn't afford gifts that year. She did however love her children immensely! Well,  getting to know this wonderful girl, I wanted to see her face light up. I wanted her to have something under the tree which her brother stole just so they would have one. (Not saying that was right) . I went home and went through our storage shed. I still had all of my Barbies, Skipper, Skippers gymnastics things, Ken, Van, and on the list went, all in mint condition. I had also found other dolls, a Barbie make up head that you could put make up on and fix her hair on. I happily took them to Barbara Jean's house while she was at school and her mother and I sat and wrapped them all. When Barbara Jean came home, she immediately saw the gifts and rushed to see who they were for. When she checked each and every one and saw her name on them all, she had the biggest smile! She inquired where they were from , but I had asked her Mom not to tell till I came home from seeing my Mom in Alaska.  I went over after my trip and her Mom told her where the gifts had come from. I got the biggest hug I think I've ever had.

That was so worth it! Seeing her smile and her gratitude. I'd do it a million more times.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn. Just trying to get us all focused where our minds should be.... on someone else.

Have you ever :
spent time with the elderly?
given a single mom a ride to get groceries?
taken someone to the laundromat?
taken someone groceries?
read to a child?
wiped someones tears or just held them through their pain?
comforted the dying?
sponsored a child for the holidays or birthday?
took someone a hot meal when they couldn't cook for themselves?
worked in someones yard or garden?
taken someone to lunch or tea?
given someone a phone call to say you care?
just sat with someone and listened?
complimented someone?
smiled at someone?
took time to notice someone you know doesn't look happy today?
It doesn't have to cost you money, although sometimes it may. It can simply cost you time, and maybe your heart.

If you find these things hard, it's time to refocus. If your first thought is always for yourself, it's time to refocus. If others are not at the forefront of your mind, you need to refocus. I'm speaking to myself as well. We are selfish by nature, and it takes a concerted effort to rearrange our thoughts and train them to be focused on others.

If this is really a struggle, start with a baby step. Call someone that you know is hurting. Go for a walk with someone and just listen, hear their heart. You don't need to be the focus of the conversation.

The Scriptures say " whatever you do for the least of these, you have done unto Me", and conversely, "whatever you didn't do for the least of these , you did not do unto Me." We are commanded , that whatever we do, whether in word or deed, do it as unto the L-rd. We were created to serve Him and serve others. When we serve , we bring Him glory. He created all things to glorify Himself. Are you bringing Him glory? Good news! If you're not currently, you still can. Not serving Him? You can still bring joy to others, it will be rewarding.

Refocus!









Yartzeit

Today marks the 8th year anniversary of my Mom's passing. I spent my work day trying to block it out so I could get through my day. I waited until I got home and had time to myself to reflect on all my memories of her, most of which were by phone.

Let me introduce you to the strongest woman I've ever known, and probably ever will. Her birth name was Karen Lea Brown. She was born in a town in North Dakota, at first living on a farm. It was a hard childhood. There wasn't a lot of money and times were hard. She grew and eventually married my Dad. She became pregnant with me and left him, and moved to Washington.

When I was 4 , she had my sister Tonda. From what I was told, she drove herself to the hospital to have her. I barely remember Tonda coming. You see, I didn't live with Mom much. There is a long story to that, that maybe will be covered another time.

I remember living with Mom when Tonda was small. We lived in what Mom called her doll house. It was light blue with white trim and white picket fence.

I remember Mom working at Rocky's hot dog stand. It was in the Sears parking lot on 1st and Lander in Seattle. Rocky was sweet . Mom always looked so beautiful.

My next memory is of me at 6-ish. I was living with my Grandparents. Mom and her husband Tom came over. Grandma came to my room and said Mom was going to let her keep me and wanted to say good bye. I went to the back  door to see Mom and say good bye. She hugged me, picked me up , handed me to Tom , and she and Tom went running down the driveway to his car. I remember screaming for my Grandparents. Grandma tried to come get me and Tom shoved her away and she fell. I didn't know what was going on. I then lived with Mom for about a year. I don't remember much about that time, only short snippets. I remember the name of the school, Cascade View Elementary off Military road somewhere. I remember playing in the yard. I remember the day I was on the back of a bike and my toe was caught in the spokes and they had to rush me in to ER for stitches. I remember Tom being very mean, he once broke a yard stick spanking me. Then one morning, as I lay awake in bed with Tonda, I could hear Mom and Tom arguing because he was demanding she get up and make him coffee. She just wanted to rest a bit more. Then I heard him hitting her with his belt and her trying not to scream loud. Later she came and got in bed with Tonda and I . Tom then came in with a container of cold water and dumped it on us.

I went back to my Grandparents. Then at around 8 or 9, I lived with Mom again in South Park and attended Concord Elementary. I have a few memories of some neighborhood kids and our neighbors. I remember on payday Mom giving us allowance and we'd go buy penny and nickel candy and spend forever trading pieces back and forth. I remember Mom taking us to Cherry Daze for shirley temples and I'd always get extra cherries.

Then, one night, although I don't remember it, Tonda and I were woken up and taken to our Grandparents. Mom had been shot while at work. She was working at a bar. A man came in and began ordering drinks, then after a while he pulled a gun and told Mom to go into the back, as she was waalking , he shot her in the back of her head. Somehow, she survived, but with some small fragments behind, they were too close to the brain for the doctors to get, they feared causing permanent damage.

Back to living with my Grandparents again. I was 9 now. Mom had decided to move to Alaska. My Grandmother convinced my 9 year old mind, that Alaska was full of nothing but igloos and Eskimos. As a result, when Mom asked if I wanted to go with  , I said no. I missed getting to grow up with her. Having been apart form my own children for 7 years when they were young, I can now look back and imagine her pain over my choice. She did what she thought best and let me decide.

Several years passed. I lost my Grandfather at 16, the only Dad I had ever had growing up. I began wondering about Mom again as I sometimes did. I was 16 or 17 now. Wondering why I never got a letter, a card, a gift on special days. I dug through my Grandmother's things one day while she was out and found my Mom's number  and address hidden away. I took that weeks allowance and got a roll of quarters. I had my boyfriend take me to a pay phone. I called the number nervously. A voice answered and I asked for Karen. she said it was, and instantly began to cry. She recognized me! After all those years, and my voice changing and maturing , she still knew me. That meant so much to me that day! I had so many missing pieces to the puzzle of my life. I had been given so few sufficient answers to my questions. Now, I had a puzzle piece back. We kept in touch with me calling about once a month.

I flew to see her at 17. She instantly recognized me at the airport. It felt so good. Her hugs, her smell, her face. I stayed about a week and a half, may be two weeks. It was the only Christmas I can remember with her,  although I know time-wise, there were a few I couldn't remember.

She and my sister flew down when I was 18. It ws wonderful seeing her and my sister again! It was short, but valuable for me. She had become my champion, defender and cheerleader. I knew she loved me. I had waited a long time to feel that.

I saw her next when my youngest was a baby, under a year. Mom flew down and I got to see her a few times while she was in Washington. She always loved me no matter what I was doing.

Next I saw her at the airport when she was moving from Alaska to Texas. She had a layover at SeaTac. It was only a few short hours, but priceless to me. I'd have gone for 5 minutes with her.

I treasured every phone call with her. She had a tradition of calling extremely early every year on my birthday. It meant the world to her to be the first to call and wish me Happy Birthday. I looked forward to it every year. We spent so many hours on the phone over the years. In '99  I got a cell with unlimited long distance and then there was no dollar amount stopping our conversations. I'd call her on my drives to work just to talk and hear her voice. It was my lifeline to her. Neither of us could afford to travel and see each other, so I used the tool I had to work with. We got to know each other pretty well over the years. I could talk to her about absolutely anything! With her I could laugh, cry, vent, whatever. She was always available when I called, as if time stopped for us both.

In 2003 I got a frightening call from my sister. Mom was in the hospital. She'd had a stroke a year or so prior and recovered, but was having memory problems and falling. They were running tests of all kinds and had done a biopsy. I wanted to go see her so badly! Some acquaintances heard my story, and told me to come to their home. They gave me a check for the amount of airfare to see my Mom. I flew down and a friend of my sister's picked me up and drove me to Mom's house. I got there late, it had to have been 10 or 11 at night and Mom had just been released from the hospital that day. I entered her home. She was sitting in her chair in the living room. The first things out of her mouth was "Get over here and sit on Mom's lap". I was apprehensive with her just getting out of the hospital , but she insisted. I was 38 and happily sitting on my Mommy's lap hugging. I never wanted to leave that spot. She called her doctor every day , only to be told they didn't have her results yet. Then came the day of her oncologist appointment. I went with her and her husband Jimmy, a wonderful man.
The doctor gave her a diagnosis with a mile long name. She told him to give it to her in layman's terms. He said "You have the fastest growing, most aggressive form of cancer you can get. It's brain cancer and inoperable. We will do chemo and radiation, but it won't cure it" She asked how long she had. He replied" Ma'am , I'd be surprised if you made it a year. I sat there with her stunned. I went to the restroom, cried, cleaned up my face and make up and went back in. We left and went to lunch then home.

She was amazing that day. she called her sisters and brother and gave them the news. She had Jimmy get her special things out of her china hutch and marked which things went to Tonda, and which to me. I was there a week and a half I think. She was strong the whole time. She made sure we had fun and laughs. I went home, and three weeks later , got the dreaded call that she was gone. I remember telling my sister I was going to finish getting ready for work after our call. Well, the shock wore off after getting off the phone and I called in to work to tell them I would not be there that day. I called my Mom's favorite Aunt that I knew quite well. She and my Great Uncle paid my plane fare to Texas for Mom's memorial.

She was the strongest , most amazing woman I'm sure I'll ever know. She foster parented while in Alaska, always taking in kids needing a home. While raising my sister, she worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet.  When I would struggle she always encouraged me telling me I could make it through. She could always make me smile. For 8 years now I've missed those early morning birthday calls. All that remains now are my few pictures of her, my scattered childhood memories and hours , probably years worth of wonderful, valuable phone conversations. I treasure each one trying to hang on to the memory of her voice and her phrases she'd use.

On this, the anniversary of the ever dreaded call that no one wants, ever, I remember you Mom. My friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry one, my hero. I love you Mom and always will, that will surely not fade with time.

So Thankful

I am thankful I got to see my daughter and grandsons today. I am thankful I got to hug my daughter and grandsons, I love hugs. I am thankful to again see the precious smiles on the 2 most special little boys. I am thankful for healing conversation and shared tears. I am thankful for grace and mercy when it's shown to me and when I can extend it to those I love. I'm thankful for the ability to extend unconditional love. I'm thankful to be a mother and grandmother. I'm thankful for wonderful , supportive friends who are willing to listen, share tissue, provide chololate, pray, pick me up when I'm falling into a pit of despair, share laughs and tears. I'm thankful my husbands flu left after only one day. I'm thankful for a caring shepherd. I'm thankful for a caring , safe place to fellowship.