Refocus

                                      

Refocus:

1 to give attention, effort, etc. to something new or different

2 to adapt or be adjusted again so that things can be seen clearly; to adjust something again so that you can see things clearly

3 to change the emphasis or direction of

I'm all about refocusing. As I've grown older and somewhat wiser, I see the need to constantly refocus.  The more I learn truth, specifically G-d's truth, the more I need to refocus my thoughts, my perceptions, and my opinions of my view of the world around me, of others and of myself.

Lately though , more so than ever, I'm seeing a growing epidemic. Somehow, our world has evolved into a generation of self seeking, selfish, self focused people. This didn't happen overnight. I've seen the increase progressively over time, with each generation becoming worse than the last, with the rare exception of a selfless , giving soul.

I see it at work every day. Girls buying # 240 Uggs, $400 Coach bags with the $300 matching wallet, $100 jeans, the newest most expensive phones and technology, and most of these little darlings live at home mooching off their parents. They have a sense of entitlement. They want it, and their gonna have it.

I see it played out other places too though. Have you been on the road , everyone going the same speed, and someone just HAS to get in front of you even though the light ahead is red ? Have you been in the store going up an aisle, you come upon what you are looking for and someone comes along and gets in front of you and just stands there staring at the shelf like you don't exist? Have you been out somewhere and people are just pushing around you like you're invisible? Or worse yet, you are in a relationship and someone else decides they want your mate more than you do even though they KNOW that person is taken and should be off limits.

They are self focused. Selfish. Self serving. It's ALL about THEM! It's about what they want, where they need to get.

This time of year, this mentality is running rampant. Commercials and ads enticing you with every toy, car, clothing item, jewelery, or bobble. All I hear are people talking about what THEY want. I have yet to hear someone talk about what they want to give with no concern of them getting.

It is enough to make me scream. I have to wonder, have they ever had to go to Salvation Army for a tree and gifts for their children? I have. Have they ever had a holiday or birthday without something new? I have. I remember holidays where what I could afford to give came from a second hand store. Do I care if I get a gift? Not really. Sure it's nice at times to be acknowledged, but are material things the only way we feel affirmed?

One of my favorite Christmases was when I was 16 or 17 years old. I had met a darling little girl named Barbara Jean. She was 6 or 7 . Her Mom was on welfare and couldn't afford gifts that year. She did however love her children immensely! Well,  getting to know this wonderful girl, I wanted to see her face light up. I wanted her to have something under the tree which her brother stole just so they would have one. (Not saying that was right) . I went home and went through our storage shed. I still had all of my Barbies, Skipper, Skippers gymnastics things, Ken, Van, and on the list went, all in mint condition. I had also found other dolls, a Barbie make up head that you could put make up on and fix her hair on. I happily took them to Barbara Jean's house while she was at school and her mother and I sat and wrapped them all. When Barbara Jean came home, she immediately saw the gifts and rushed to see who they were for. When she checked each and every one and saw her name on them all, she had the biggest smile! She inquired where they were from , but I had asked her Mom not to tell till I came home from seeing my Mom in Alaska.  I went over after my trip and her Mom told her where the gifts had come from. I got the biggest hug I think I've ever had.

That was so worth it! Seeing her smile and her gratitude. I'd do it a million more times.

I'm not trying to toot my own horn. Just trying to get us all focused where our minds should be.... on someone else.

Have you ever :
spent time with the elderly?
given a single mom a ride to get groceries?
taken someone to the laundromat?
taken someone groceries?
read to a child?
wiped someones tears or just held them through their pain?
comforted the dying?
sponsored a child for the holidays or birthday?
took someone a hot meal when they couldn't cook for themselves?
worked in someones yard or garden?
taken someone to lunch or tea?
given someone a phone call to say you care?
just sat with someone and listened?
complimented someone?
smiled at someone?
took time to notice someone you know doesn't look happy today?
It doesn't have to cost you money, although sometimes it may. It can simply cost you time, and maybe your heart.

If you find these things hard, it's time to refocus. If your first thought is always for yourself, it's time to refocus. If others are not at the forefront of your mind, you need to refocus. I'm speaking to myself as well. We are selfish by nature, and it takes a concerted effort to rearrange our thoughts and train them to be focused on others.

If this is really a struggle, start with a baby step. Call someone that you know is hurting. Go for a walk with someone and just listen, hear their heart. You don't need to be the focus of the conversation.

The Scriptures say " whatever you do for the least of these, you have done unto Me", and conversely, "whatever you didn't do for the least of these , you did not do unto Me." We are commanded , that whatever we do, whether in word or deed, do it as unto the L-rd. We were created to serve Him and serve others. When we serve , we bring Him glory. He created all things to glorify Himself. Are you bringing Him glory? Good news! If you're not currently, you still can. Not serving Him? You can still bring joy to others, it will be rewarding.

Refocus!









Yartzeit

Today marks the 8th year anniversary of my Mom's passing. I spent my work day trying to block it out so I could get through my day. I waited until I got home and had time to myself to reflect on all my memories of her, most of which were by phone.

Let me introduce you to the strongest woman I've ever known, and probably ever will. Her birth name was Karen Lea Brown. She was born in a town in North Dakota, at first living on a farm. It was a hard childhood. There wasn't a lot of money and times were hard. She grew and eventually married my Dad. She became pregnant with me and left him, and moved to Washington.

When I was 4 , she had my sister Tonda. From what I was told, she drove herself to the hospital to have her. I barely remember Tonda coming. You see, I didn't live with Mom much. There is a long story to that, that maybe will be covered another time.

I remember living with Mom when Tonda was small. We lived in what Mom called her doll house. It was light blue with white trim and white picket fence.

I remember Mom working at Rocky's hot dog stand. It was in the Sears parking lot on 1st and Lander in Seattle. Rocky was sweet . Mom always looked so beautiful.

My next memory is of me at 6-ish. I was living with my Grandparents. Mom and her husband Tom came over. Grandma came to my room and said Mom was going to let her keep me and wanted to say good bye. I went to the back  door to see Mom and say good bye. She hugged me, picked me up , handed me to Tom , and she and Tom went running down the driveway to his car. I remember screaming for my Grandparents. Grandma tried to come get me and Tom shoved her away and she fell. I didn't know what was going on. I then lived with Mom for about a year. I don't remember much about that time, only short snippets. I remember the name of the school, Cascade View Elementary off Military road somewhere. I remember playing in the yard. I remember the day I was on the back of a bike and my toe was caught in the spokes and they had to rush me in to ER for stitches. I remember Tom being very mean, he once broke a yard stick spanking me. Then one morning, as I lay awake in bed with Tonda, I could hear Mom and Tom arguing because he was demanding she get up and make him coffee. She just wanted to rest a bit more. Then I heard him hitting her with his belt and her trying not to scream loud. Later she came and got in bed with Tonda and I . Tom then came in with a container of cold water and dumped it on us.

I went back to my Grandparents. Then at around 8 or 9, I lived with Mom again in South Park and attended Concord Elementary. I have a few memories of some neighborhood kids and our neighbors. I remember on payday Mom giving us allowance and we'd go buy penny and nickel candy and spend forever trading pieces back and forth. I remember Mom taking us to Cherry Daze for shirley temples and I'd always get extra cherries.

Then, one night, although I don't remember it, Tonda and I were woken up and taken to our Grandparents. Mom had been shot while at work. She was working at a bar. A man came in and began ordering drinks, then after a while he pulled a gun and told Mom to go into the back, as she was waalking , he shot her in the back of her head. Somehow, she survived, but with some small fragments behind, they were too close to the brain for the doctors to get, they feared causing permanent damage.

Back to living with my Grandparents again. I was 9 now. Mom had decided to move to Alaska. My Grandmother convinced my 9 year old mind, that Alaska was full of nothing but igloos and Eskimos. As a result, when Mom asked if I wanted to go with  , I said no. I missed getting to grow up with her. Having been apart form my own children for 7 years when they were young, I can now look back and imagine her pain over my choice. She did what she thought best and let me decide.

Several years passed. I lost my Grandfather at 16, the only Dad I had ever had growing up. I began wondering about Mom again as I sometimes did. I was 16 or 17 now. Wondering why I never got a letter, a card, a gift on special days. I dug through my Grandmother's things one day while she was out and found my Mom's number  and address hidden away. I took that weeks allowance and got a roll of quarters. I had my boyfriend take me to a pay phone. I called the number nervously. A voice answered and I asked for Karen. she said it was, and instantly began to cry. She recognized me! After all those years, and my voice changing and maturing , she still knew me. That meant so much to me that day! I had so many missing pieces to the puzzle of my life. I had been given so few sufficient answers to my questions. Now, I had a puzzle piece back. We kept in touch with me calling about once a month.

I flew to see her at 17. She instantly recognized me at the airport. It felt so good. Her hugs, her smell, her face. I stayed about a week and a half, may be two weeks. It was the only Christmas I can remember with her,  although I know time-wise, there were a few I couldn't remember.

She and my sister flew down when I was 18. It ws wonderful seeing her and my sister again! It was short, but valuable for me. She had become my champion, defender and cheerleader. I knew she loved me. I had waited a long time to feel that.

I saw her next when my youngest was a baby, under a year. Mom flew down and I got to see her a few times while she was in Washington. She always loved me no matter what I was doing.

Next I saw her at the airport when she was moving from Alaska to Texas. She had a layover at SeaTac. It was only a few short hours, but priceless to me. I'd have gone for 5 minutes with her.

I treasured every phone call with her. She had a tradition of calling extremely early every year on my birthday. It meant the world to her to be the first to call and wish me Happy Birthday. I looked forward to it every year. We spent so many hours on the phone over the years. In '99  I got a cell with unlimited long distance and then there was no dollar amount stopping our conversations. I'd call her on my drives to work just to talk and hear her voice. It was my lifeline to her. Neither of us could afford to travel and see each other, so I used the tool I had to work with. We got to know each other pretty well over the years. I could talk to her about absolutely anything! With her I could laugh, cry, vent, whatever. She was always available when I called, as if time stopped for us both.

In 2003 I got a frightening call from my sister. Mom was in the hospital. She'd had a stroke a year or so prior and recovered, but was having memory problems and falling. They were running tests of all kinds and had done a biopsy. I wanted to go see her so badly! Some acquaintances heard my story, and told me to come to their home. They gave me a check for the amount of airfare to see my Mom. I flew down and a friend of my sister's picked me up and drove me to Mom's house. I got there late, it had to have been 10 or 11 at night and Mom had just been released from the hospital that day. I entered her home. She was sitting in her chair in the living room. The first things out of her mouth was "Get over here and sit on Mom's lap". I was apprehensive with her just getting out of the hospital , but she insisted. I was 38 and happily sitting on my Mommy's lap hugging. I never wanted to leave that spot. She called her doctor every day , only to be told they didn't have her results yet. Then came the day of her oncologist appointment. I went with her and her husband Jimmy, a wonderful man.
The doctor gave her a diagnosis with a mile long name. She told him to give it to her in layman's terms. He said "You have the fastest growing, most aggressive form of cancer you can get. It's brain cancer and inoperable. We will do chemo and radiation, but it won't cure it" She asked how long she had. He replied" Ma'am , I'd be surprised if you made it a year. I sat there with her stunned. I went to the restroom, cried, cleaned up my face and make up and went back in. We left and went to lunch then home.

She was amazing that day. she called her sisters and brother and gave them the news. She had Jimmy get her special things out of her china hutch and marked which things went to Tonda, and which to me. I was there a week and a half I think. She was strong the whole time. She made sure we had fun and laughs. I went home, and three weeks later , got the dreaded call that she was gone. I remember telling my sister I was going to finish getting ready for work after our call. Well, the shock wore off after getting off the phone and I called in to work to tell them I would not be there that day. I called my Mom's favorite Aunt that I knew quite well. She and my Great Uncle paid my plane fare to Texas for Mom's memorial.

She was the strongest , most amazing woman I'm sure I'll ever know. She foster parented while in Alaska, always taking in kids needing a home. While raising my sister, she worked 2 and 3 jobs at a time to make ends meet.  When I would struggle she always encouraged me telling me I could make it through. She could always make me smile. For 8 years now I've missed those early morning birthday calls. All that remains now are my few pictures of her, my scattered childhood memories and hours , probably years worth of wonderful, valuable phone conversations. I treasure each one trying to hang on to the memory of her voice and her phrases she'd use.

On this, the anniversary of the ever dreaded call that no one wants, ever, I remember you Mom. My friend, my confidant, my shoulder to cry one, my hero. I love you Mom and always will, that will surely not fade with time.

So Thankful

I am thankful I got to see my daughter and grandsons today. I am thankful I got to hug my daughter and grandsons, I love hugs. I am thankful to again see the precious smiles on the 2 most special little boys. I am thankful for healing conversation and shared tears. I am thankful for grace and mercy when it's shown to me and when I can extend it to those I love. I'm thankful for the ability to extend unconditional love. I'm thankful to be a mother and grandmother. I'm thankful for wonderful , supportive friends who are willing to listen, share tissue, provide chololate, pray, pick me up when I'm falling into a pit of despair, share laughs and tears. I'm thankful my husbands flu left after only one day. I'm thankful for a caring shepherd. I'm thankful for a caring , safe place to fellowship.

Birthday wish for little Gabe

Gabe,
      This is how I will always remember you, full of smiles and laughs. You've always had such an easy going personality. I remember this first time you stayed the night with me. You were only a few months old. We sat together on the hide-a-bed and I sat there singing to you, You Are My Sunshine, Jesus Loves Me. Every time I sang, you'd get quiet and watch me, if I stopped you'd get restless, so I'd sing again and you'd get quiet. You have always loved music and would try to move with the beat of it since you were able to move . You love to dance. You get that from a long line of music loving women in our family, my Grandma, My Great Aunt,  Mom, Sisters, Me and your Mom. I hope it always brings you as much joy and comfort as it always has for me.
    I miss you Bub. You light up my life and bring me so much joy. Every little smile, every giggle, our hide and seek games, teaching you Itsy Bitsy Spider-I love that you make your parents do that song every night now. I love the feel of your arms wrapped around my neck. I miss that the most.
    I can't be with you on your birthday this year Gabe, I want you to know I really wanted to though. I pray somehow God will let you know that and that I still love you (t---h----i----s) much! You stole my heart the day you were born, and I've never been the same since. I never thought I could love another child as much as my own, you changed that.
   I pray for you Gabe. I pray you grow big and strong. I pray that somehow you grow in knowledge and love of the Lord. I pray you will be a mighty warrior for Him, that your heart will be sold out for God and that nothing turns you away from Him. I pray He influences every decision you ever make. I pray you will do something with the music you love so much.  I pray that God's word is written on your heart.
    I pray you have a wonderful birthday Gabe.

   Grandam loves you and misses you.

Abuse...What does it look like?

In tho photo above, you see a list of some components of abuse. Abuse can be physical, sexual, verbal, psychological, spiritual and on the list goes.

A recent event brought this to the surface of my mind again. To start, let's identify what it can look like in various forms.

Elder Abuse/Neglect : The aged community make some of the easiest targets for abusers. Some abuse is physical, especially if they are infirmed in some way. Relatives, or caregivers have been caught on video beating the elderly.
One such video was on the news. A family member suspected the caregiver of abusing her aged father. She set up a hidden video camera in his room, and sure enough, unprovoked he was beaten. Thankfully, because of the evidence this person was convicted.
Another form of abuse the aged can fall victim to in financial abuse. People in their elder years who may have accumulated a small savings, oft end up bilked out of every penny. They are sometimes quick to feel compassion for someone with a hard luck story. Once the perpetrator sees their plan worked, they will continue the ruse with sob story after sob story till the well runs dry.
Even more appalling is some, usually women fall victim to sexual abuse because they aren't in a position to put up a fight.

Some people will choose disabled individuals as their target , mind you they may be child or adult and every form of abuse imaginable is inflicted upon them.

Verbal Abuse: Occurs when one person uses words and body language to inappropriately criticize another person. Verbal abuse often involves 'putdowns' and name-calling intended to make the victim feel they are not worthy of love or respect, and that they do not have ability or talent. If the victim speaks up against these statements, they are often told that the criticisms were "just a joke", and that it is their own problem that they do not find the joke funny. They may also be told that no abuse is happening; that it is "all in their head". Verbal abuse is dangerous because it is often not easily recognized as abuse, and therefore it can go on for extended periods, causing severe damage to victim's self-esteem and self-worth.

This can look like: Being told they are ashamed to be seen with you. Being told you're no good and you'll never amount to anything. Being told you're ugly, fat, stupid, etc., and no one else would want you. Being told you're useless. Being told none of their friends like you and don't come over because of you. Sarcastic , mean comments couched as " I was only kidding". Being told you can't do anything right. The list for this can be extensive. I'm sure at some point, most of us have heard at least some of these statements. I know I have.

Psychological Abuse (also known as mental abuse or emotional abuse):  Occurs when one person controls information available to another person so as to manipulate that person's sense of reality; what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Psychological abuse often contains strong emotionally manipulative content designed to force the victim to comply with the abuser's wishes. It may be emotional abuse in this sense when it is designed to cause emotional pain to victims or to “mess with their heads” in attempts to gain compliance and counter any resistance. Alternatively, psychological abuse may occur when one victim is forced to watch another be abused in some fashion (verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually). Like verbal abuse, psychological abuse is often not recognized as abuse early on and can result in serious psychological after effects later on.

What does this look like? You name it. Finding evidence your mate is being unfaithful and when confronting them being told you're making it all up, you're paranoid, you're crazy. Say you distinctly remember them saying something, and when you bring it up they vehemently deny it to the point you question it yourself. You may start to second guess everything. This throws you completely off base making you question if what you think happened really did, or did you imagine or dream it. I've been here too.

Sexual Abuse: I think I don't need to go into detail here. Due to the age of possible readers, I don't care to elaborate here. Suffice to say, if you've ever been told it's your fault, you asked for it and the like, or was made to go further than you wanted, it qualifies. Let me say too, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Whatever threats you may have been told, don't believe them. They are a manipulative tool used to keep you from telling. GO TELL!

Neglect:  Occurs when a person fails to provide for the basic needs of one or more dependent victims he or she is responsible for. Basic needs include adequate and appropriate food, shelter, clothing, hygiene, and love or care. The idea of neglect presupposes that the neglectful person is capable of being responsible in the first place. For example, it is neglect when an employed parent fails to care for their child adequately. It is still neglect when a parent is unable to provide for their child despite their best efforts due to extreme poverty or illness, but the neglect is perhaps mitigated by the circumstances. Neglect can only happen to dependent persons. For this reason, it most typically involves children or dependent elders who are not taken care of properly by their families or caregivers.

Self explanatory here. If you see signs of it, either a person dropping weight or can't gain weight, doesn't have clean clothes, looks unkempt, please report it!

One I must throw in here is Neglect/Manipulation/Control: Do you have love or affection withheld from you if you don't do what they want? Are you given the silent treatment, or ignored? This also is abuse. They do this to make you do what they,  want when they want and how they want. Are you deprived of access to a vehicle, phone, money?  Withholding affection from you is neglect and is a manipulative, controlling tool. Denying you access to car or cash is because they are afraid you would leave! Get out!

Physical Abuse:  Occurs when one person uses physical pain or threat of physical force to intimidate another person. Actual physical abuse may involve simple slaps or pushes, or it may involve a full on physical beating complete with punching, kicking, hair pulling, scratching, and real physical damage sufficient in some cases to require hospitalization. In particularly violent instances, people can die from the injuries they sustain while being physically abused. Physical abuse is abusive whether bruises or physical damage occur or not. Physical abuse may involve the mere threat of physical violence if the victim does not comply with the wishes of the abuser, and still be considered physical abuse.

I was witness to this just yesterday. I saw a man hit a woman in her side. She ran into her apartment , locking the door. He broke the door in. I called the police thinking they would come in with blaring sirens and flashing lights within seconds , especially when I specified this as a domestic violence call. I heard lot of bumping and thumping which I presumed was her hitting walls as she was tossed around. I heard her screams. I broke into a sweat. My heart pounded. He left. Finally 10-15 minutes later the police arrived. She could have been dead by then . These situations can escalate at the speed of light. I cannot tell you how very angry I was that it took them so long. Her relatives came. I saw her limping to the car to be seen at the hospital. I saw her again today, wearing a leg brace.

Another scenario: I'm 6 or 7, laying in bed with my little sister, four years younger than I. It's a weekend. I hear my mom and her husband in their room. He wants her to get up and make coffee. She wants a little more time to just relax before getting up. He's not getting his way. Things escalate. I hear my mom being beaten with his belt, like he would do to me, only not as severe as what I was hearing. She is screaming. I lay frozen. I'm a little girl. What can I do against this guy who terrifies me? She eventually comes running to our room and lays between us. In he comes with a bucket of ice water and dumps it on all 3 of us.

Example 2: I had a friend who's mom would be locked into her home every day when her husband left for work. Oh, and he would take the phones with him. God help her if there had ever been a fire or medical emergency.

Example 3: High school boyfriend. First love (or so I thought). Four and a half years of barely being allowed to hang with my girlfriends because he was paranoid they were trying to hook me up with someone else. In between classes, he had friends of his follow me and report to him if I talked to any guys, even friends I had known since grade school. If I did, there was hell to pay . Did I mention he could talk to whoever he wanted and that was supposed to be ok. Got into an argument one time, I was hit and karate kicked till I was bruised on my arms and legs. I went to school in late spring wearing long sleeves. I was made to hide in the closet if his folks came over. Sometimes they would stay for over an hour. I was told I was fat and he was ashamed to be seen with me. I quit eating for 3 days till I almost passed out. I went on a crash diet and exercise routine that summer so he'd hold my hand when we walked down the hall at school.

Example 4: Me again. Married 15 years, with him for 18. This list is way too long, so I'll just give you the short version. Unfaithfulness every 3 or so years, so I felt inadequate. So much so, I stayed, convinced no one else would want me or care. Told I was ugly, lazy , etc. Screamed at at such a close range, my ears would ring for hours afterward. Pinned to the wall or floor by my then long hair. Grabbed, cornered. Things thrown at or near me. Couch flipped over while I was on it. Knife stabbed into to arm of the couch inches from my arm. Car windows busted while I was in the car. Phone ripped out of the wall so I can't call for help. Spit on. Coffee thrown at me, and yes, it was hot. Told it was all my fault. Told it was all in my head, I was crazy.....

Do guys like this start out looking abusive? No. They often come off as very charming and sweet, charismatic. Everyone loves them. This is intentional! Why? So you'll fall for them, and once you're hooked, all hell breaks loose. The 2nd reason is so they are perceived as so nice and kind and fun, if you do try to tell, no one believes you or thinks it must be you're fault because _____ isn't usually like that at all.

Please, do me a favor, if any of this has happened to you or someone you know, TELL. Keep telling till someone, anyone believes you and is willing to help. I know it's scary to think of leaving what you're used to no matter how much you hate it. Do it anyway! The outside world  is a lot less scary than the situation you're in. There is help. There are people who care for you. Don't believe the lies. They want to keep you trapped!

Call a domestic violence hot line. Call 911. Call a friend. Call a Pastor. Keep calling till you get the help you need. You ARE worth it! You DESERVE it! There is a wonderful, glorious life waiting for you on the other side of abuse. It's there for the taking. Yes, it will take some time and work to reprogram yourself, to find your voice and self worth, but what a wonderful feeling when you decide you deserve better, that you have value! You CAN do it. You can have a better life, better than you ever dared to hope for or imagine. Take a chance on you. You are wonderful! You have value! You are beautiful! You can do anything and be anything you put your mind to!

Make a change today. Don't wait. You may not get another chance .

Birthday Message

I remember the day you were born. I raced feverishly to the hospital. I encountered a road accident, ramp closures and detours, all the while praying diligently that you'd wait till I could get there. You waited for me. I was awake for over 24 hours by the time I got back home afterward. I stood for hours waiting in anticipation to be among the first to meet and hold you. I remember the first glimpses of you as I saw your full head of hair. Oh, finally, the day I waited for. The birth of my 2nd grandson. What a joyous morning that was. I held you and stared at you in amazement. How tiny and precious. You are my 2nd, but no less important. You have your very own special place in  my heart. I remember your first teeth . I remember you starting to crawl.
I love singing to you. I love how you love music. I love your chubby little face and body. My little sumo.
Today is your first birthday and how I wish I were with you. I long to hold you and see your huge smile. I want you to know, I'm not missing your birthday because I want to. Sometimes life circumstances make for cruel twists and turns that we have no control of. Please know that my absence does not mean I love you any less. On the contrary, my heart aches. Work was hard today my little love as I looked at your face sitting on my desk in a frame. I love you with an undying love and I hope some day I will see you again and we can play and sing.
Happy birthday sumo. Grandma loves you bunches!

The Difference Kindness Makes

I love this quote.... " Kindness in words creates confidence, kindness in thinking creates profoundness, kindness in giving creates love.


A recent event made me really meditate on kindness.
Let's start with what kindness is...

Adjective: Having or showing a friendly nature, generous, considerate nature, liberal, agreeable, beneficial, warm-hearted nature,  Showing sympathy or understanding; charitable, Humane;  Forbearing; tolerant.

I was told by someone , "You were one of the few who showed me kindness years ago."

I thought about  this all morning and a good part of the afternoon.

What did I do that was so different, that made such an impact? I would target them whenever I saw them and make a bee-line to go talk with them , laugh with them, and let them know I noticed them there. It really didn't expend any energy and took little effort, but the results have led to a long lasting friendship that greatly impacted them and still does.
It really blesses me that what I looked at as every day normal behavior, really stood out to someone.  Why is this? That leads me to the conclusion that sadly, at least in their life, in that setting, that was not the norm of behavior they were used to receiving. That should not be.

What do the Scriptures say about kindness?
Of the Proverbs 31 woman in verse 26 it says,  " She opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. "
That means , at least to me, she is teaching others to act in kind. Teaching others to be forbearing, generous, tolerant and accepting.
Micah 6: 8  He has told you , O man, what is good: And what does the L-rd require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your L-rd.
We are instructed to love kindness. Translated by definition, we should love being generous, showing a friendly nature, being tolerant, liberal with our affection toward others, beneficial, and warm hearted to name a few.

Acts 9: 36  Now in Joppa there was a certain disciple named Tabitha ( which translated in Greek is called Dorcas) ; this woman was abounding with deeds of kindness and charity, which she continually did.
What is abounding? Having in large amounts. She did large amounts of kindness and charity.

Kindness is part of the fruit of the Spirit. Scripture says we will know one another by our fruit, so we should be on the lookout for these as evidence of one's faith in the Most High.

Gal 5:22-23  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control; against such things there is no law.

If then we are Believers in Messiah, we should see abounding acts of kindness in each other. If we are not seeing these manifestations of the fruit, we would be wise to question if the Ruach truly lives inside.

Further, we are commanded to manifest these attributes.

Col. 3:12 -17  And so, as those who have been chosen of G-d, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the L-rd forgave you, so also should you. And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to G-d. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the L-rd Yeshua, giving thanks through Him to G-d the Father.

In the above passage, it says if we are chosen by G-d, we are to put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. If we are truly His, we are to act like it! How do we put these things on? We do as Paul said and die daily to the acts of our sinful nature. Every time we act out of line with the verses above, we immediately stop, take inventory of our thoughts and actions, repent, seek forgiveness of those we've injured, and with G-d's help, not act contrary to His word again. Over time, this should get easier, starving the old sinful nature to death, and feeding the new man within. We are to constantly renew our minds with the washing of His word. This re-arranges our mind and thoughts which in turn changes our behavior.
In the verses above, bearing with one another, and forgiving each other are also acts of kindness,as are admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs.

1 Pet. 2:1-3  Therefore, putting aside all malice and all guile and hypocrisy and envy and ALL slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, that by it you may grow in respect to salvation, IF you have tasted the kindness of the L-rd.

Conclusion of this verse? IF we are His, we will put aside malice, guile, hypocrisy, and slander. IF we have tasted His kindness, it will manifest in us, and to the degree we allow Him to change and heal us, we will act in kindness toward others. I have to wonder, when I see people who claim to know Him, and yet treat others poorly, are they really His. Not to the point of judging, because that is certainly not my job, but it does raise questions in my mind. It makes me ever more mindful of how I act and speak, so others do not have that question in their mind about me. I desire to live in such a way, there is never any question raised about Whom I serve, or if I'm chosen. I want my life, words and actions so full of Him, that it screams YES, she is Mine!

2 Pet. 1:5-11   Now for this very reason also, applying in diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge; and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness; and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our L-rd Yeshua Messiah. For he who lacks these qualities is blind or short-sighted, having forgotten his purification from his former sins. Therefore, brethren, be all the more diligent to make certain about His calling and choosing you; for as long as you practice these things, you will never stumble; for in this way the entrance into the eternal kingdom of our L-rd and Savior Yeshua Messiah will be abundantly supplied to you.

If we do not manifest these things, we are blind, having forgotten our  purification from our former sins. So I can presume this, if I do not manifest these things , I sin, and do not have evidence that my former self has been put to death. It is still alive and thriving.

To me, these verses are a wonderful barometer check.

What would it look like if we all began acting with more patience, being quick to forgive? What would it look like if we stopped aiming our mouth at others in a negative way as if it were a rapid fire machine gun, and spoke with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs? If people responded in shock, that would be a sure indicator we have not been kind, and our sin nature is alive still, and needs to be crucified.

Here's a real life example. When you see a Goth person, what is your first reaction?  Do words of judgement run through your mind ? Are you critical of them? Is your gut instinct to go redress and reprogram them?
What if we re-arrange our thinking. What if, instead we pondered....  1)  I wonder if something hurtful happened that caused them to put on a barrier they assume will repel others. OR 2) They are not afraid of what others think about them. They would make an awesome Believer, they don't let the opinions of others define them.

Let us all focus more on doing acts of kindness, so that we can see the difference kindness makes.